“It’s easier to choose between RIGHT and WRONG than to choose between RIGHT and RIGHT.”
For so long, this fact has stayed a fact in my life. From the simple decisions of what to wear for the day, where to eat for dinner, how to spend slack time and when to listen to secular songs up to what message is the best for a Life Group meeting, where to go and share the gospel, how to raise funds for mission trips and when to give up personal dreams for the sake of God’s call.
Six years have passed and I thought I’ve known Him so well. Never had I realized that every day is a new day to discover a little secret from Him.
Today, June 24, 2011, is a rainy Friday. We’re supposed to have Champions Gathering at church with Ptr.Loi, but it was cancelled due to typhoon Falcon. So since I can’t go out, I decided to stay home and have a wonderful date with God. I haven’t realized that it was what I needed for a very long time.
It’s too difficult to speak out, eventhough I know He hears every single cry of my heart. It was so hard to let tears fall eventhough He knows how long I’ve been crying inside. It’s so heartbreaking. It’s so.. I don’t know. I will never run out of words.. but I just can’t explain how God talks to me now. He’s so tender. He’s so compassionate. He’s so loving. He’s so gracious. I can’t say it enough.
As this year started, I’ve decided to gave my life to Him. But now I’m thinking if it’s really what He wants me to do. Two months passed since I was called “full-time”. And now, I’m in a big dilemma. What is it? Uhm, I can’t explain. Or better yet, it’s just between me and God.
I love Him with all my heart, soul and mind. But there are just things which make things mixed up. There will come a time when you don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong; you can’t decide when to say ‘yes’ and ‘no’; you don’t know if you should say ‘sorry’ or not; etcetera, etcetera..
And now, my annual sickness is coming thru me. What is that? Again, it’s just between me and God.
All I know is that He gave me this life, this wonderful life. Whether I see it as wonderful or not, it doesn’t matter. God sees it that way anyway. And His perspective is the only thing that matters.
No matter what this “situation” brings me, I know I’ll survive, I’ll stand up again and fight with my fists firmly holding the sword. I’ll run this race and finish strong. I can perfectly remember that I’ve said this line a year ago. But as I look back, that thing which made me say these words was just a small thing compared to what I’m going thru right now. And so maybe next year, if God allows to me live up to that time, I’ll be facing a larger one. And so, I’ve got to hold my shield as well.
The battle field is waiting for me to win this. I’m coming and I’ll be victorious.
And do you know what keeps me going?
His tender voice that says…
“That’s my girl.. strong and courageous!”
