When You said "no", i followed. When You said "stop", i stopped. When You said "wait", i did.
But then, my miracle came. I never thought such would come in a time like this. I wanted to ask WHY, again.
But i couldn't. I know i just have to follow.. YOU. Not me, not anyone else, not even my miracle.
But then again, i failed. I fell on a trap.
Confused? Yes, i am.
Now? Yeah, not later, not a while ago. NOW.
Hurting? Maybe.
Bitter? Nah. I hope not.
I said i'll wait. I'm willing. Yes of course i am. But... goodness! It hurts..
My heart cries. But my eyes aren't. I'm even laughing. God, i'm going insane.
I can't. I can't afford to be hurt again. No, not this time. I'm not prepared.
I tried to stop. I even asked You to stop me, to help me. But You didn't answer.
And so.. and so..
I THOUGHT IT'S FINE.
No, I really can't accept this. No.. Can my heart be numb for a while?
Can my heart just stop beating? Can my mind just stop thinking?
God! I'm going crazy!
Had i not fallen this deep, would it be easier?
Would it hurt less?
I just did it, the way i thought You want me to do it.
I just followed, the way i thought i should be.
But then again, i failed.
I'm hurting. Just like the way before.
No, it hurts more.
And to make things more painful, my miracle doesn't know.
And worst, it doesn't care.
Should i stop?
I have a lot of things to do, to think about, to preprare for.
If it's not Your will, can You just pull it back?
If it's not what You want, can it just leave me alone?
If it'll just hurt me, i dont' want it.
If it'll just kill me, i can't accept it.
But, was it my fault?
Oh yeah, it was. It really was.
I can never blame You. Never.
And now it really hurts..
It really really hurts..
However, i can still stand.
And even if i won't get anything in return..
I know..
I just have to love more..
I can. I will.
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