Farewell My Dear Friend
DG


Journo. That is her name.

This blog space started in the year 2008 and I’ve journeyed with her since then. She is almost always the first one to whom I run to when I needed ‘someone’ to listen. And she never failed me.

It’s been four years my friend, and those four years will always be marked here in the cyber world. I will always be thankful for having you around. Thank you for being the outlet of all my emotions. Thank you for being available anytime, just as long as I have internet connection. Hehe. Good thing you don’t have emotions. You don’t feel the pains I have and you don’t get annoyed when I’m cranky and all. But there’s a big ‘sayang’, for you don’t also feel whenever I’m in great joy. SAYANG :)

Now as I look back to our journey together, I’ve seen that I’ve been so unfair for letting you digest the bitter food I can’t swallow. As I flip your pages, I can see that somehow I’ve failed to be a blessing to others. As I flip your pages, I see that I’ve been so emotional that sometimes it’s so annoying.

Yeah maybe I can debate with that. The very purpose why I befriended you is to have an ‘outlet’, not to inspire other people as they take a look on you.  But since I publicized my friendship with you in the year 2010, I knew it’s my indirect job if not to encourage others, at least not to discourage them. But I guess I failed a little bit with that.

It’s been a memorable journey with you my friend. And I guess it is time to bid goodbye. Don’t worry, I’ll be visiting you from time to time. You will be the one who will remind me of those emo-moments I had and the lessons I’ve learned from those.

Thank you for the four years my friend. I’m gonna miss you big time.

And to my friends who have been with me and checking on me thru this site, THANK YOU. Don’t worry, I won't be far away for wordpress is still there for me.


For now, this is Journo, signing off.


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My Birthday Wish
DG


A detachable heart.

WISH – transitive verb – “to have a desire for (as something unattainable)” –Meriam-Webster Dictionary

Yeah right. So my wish is really a ‘wish’. And don’t you worry, I’ve fully accepted that fact.

In my twenty-five years of living in this crazy world, I can say that I’ve gone thru many crazy roads that made my life like a crazy roller-coaster. And as I get on this day, my twenty-fifth twenty-first of December, I found out that I have this one wish – to have a hook-on pumping doodad inside my chest.

I know right. It’s cool. Haha!

As I’ve reached this age, I’ve gone through many pains, failures and disappointments. And if you will just flip through the pages of this blog space, you’ll see those bloody articles.. you will see the proof of this agony. So is it weird to wish for a hook-on heart? Yeah, maybe. But I guess it’s not only I who wished for this. Who wants pain? Who looks forward for heartaches? Isn’t it normal to wish that when you get hurt, you can just pull off your heart so that brain won’t get affected and might function so well? Isn’t it normal to wish that when you start to fall in love with the one who won’t love you back, you can just grab away your heart so that you won’t fall harder? ISN’T IT?

So, can you blame me for wishing for a detachable heart? I guess you won’t, for if this thingy is just available, I am sure you will give up anything just to acquire it. But that’s exactly the problem. A detachable heart is highly demanded, but not yet will never be supplied. Indeed, in every rule there’s an exception. And this detachable heart has broken the principle of the “law of supply and demand”.

The past year had been so tough and these past few days have been tougher. I don’t know exactly how I feel but the agony inside simply pushed me to the limit. I wanted to stop, but somehow I couldn’t. I wanted to break free, but somehow I shouldn’t. And the more I see where am I right now, the more I feel the pain, and the more I want to detach this pumping thingy.

BUT, detaching this cool gizmo inside my chest is like pulling off the batteries of a remote control. It becomes USELESS. It becomes POWERLESS. It becomes LIFELESS.

And so I guess it’s better to have it this way – in pain but alive, agonizing but kicking, bleeding but fighting.

This pumping doodad inside my chest is really scary. But no matter how I wish to detach you, I know I will never do. I may hate you when you’re hurting, but I will always be thankful when you’re smiling. I am thankful that you still keep on beating. I am grateful that no matter how rocky the road is, you keep on pumping and keep me on fighting.

And above all, I thank the ‘Steve Jobs’ of this gadget inside my chest. He is far from being a geek who simply wants to be famous. He is simply amazing for putting up this thingy in me, in us. Without this, I will just be a zombie, existing but not living.

So as I celebrate this day, I celebrate not only the JOYs but also the PAINs.

I thank You my dear LORD for the wonderful twenty five years. I may not know when will You pull off my ‘battery’. And today, I’m thankful that I’m still here and MY WISH IS NOT GRANTED.

Thank YOU. I love YOU.


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Dear Friend,
DG


Today is your special day, did you wear your best outfit? SMILE! :)

I know it’s been a tough year for you. But since it’s a tough year, it means you had gone stronger now. I know you will face bigger storms in the future, but I hope you’ll be strong enough to stand firm and never give up.

I hope that this year’s lessons will not just stay on your head but will also go into your heart and be activated thru your whole body. Application is most important for all lessons. So my friend, may you enjoy another year’s adventurous journey. Bon voyage!

And oh, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :)

Love,
Your Friend
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Hush, Dear Heart, Hush.
DG


I know, i know. But please don't crash on me now. Not now, not now.

 In a while, we will be celebrating my friends' wedding and my birthday. So come on.. you better calm down, okay?

 Hush, dear heart, hush.
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Walang kasing--
DG

Kapag masakit, walang kasing sakit.

Una pa lang naman, 'yan na ang sinabi sa'kin eh. And I've prepared myself for that. Pero ewan ko ba kung bakit sa tuwing dadating ang mga pagkakataong katulad nito, parang laging "first time".

Gusto ko naman ng thrill sa buhay eh. Sabi nga, "life without pain is not life at all". Hindi tayo totoong mabubuhay kung hindi tayo handang humarap sa hamon ng buhay. Ano daw?  Basta 'yun na 'yun. Pero minsan lang talaga parang masyadong masakit. Minsan parang sagad sagad na. Minsan parang hindi mo na kaya. Kung iisipin, alam mong kaya mo naman eh. Kung iisipin, alam mong malalampasan mo. 'Yun nga lang, minsan, sumisigaw na ang puso mo, "saklolo!". At wala kang magawa kundi pumunta sa isang sulok, humawak sa dibdib at sabihing "chill ka lang heart, kaya natin 'to". Haha. Sana nga ganun lang kadali lahat.

Alam kong wala pa 'to sa kalingkingan ng 'pinaka'. Pero hindi rin naman ako robot para hindi sumigaw ng 'aray'. Excuse me po, tao lang din ako.

At dahil tao nga ako, lalaban ako. Kapag ba naglabas ng sama ng loob, mahina na? Hindi naman 'di ba? Sadyang may mga bagay lang na mailalabas mo sa pamamagitan ng pagtipa.

Kapag masakit, walang kasing sakit.
PERO, kapag masaya, walang kasing SAYA.

Weather weather lang naman 'di ba? So habang andito si 'walang kasing sakit', ayos din. Gapang gapang lang din. At unti unting tatayo sa muling pagbabalik ni 'walang kasing saya'.

Dahil ilang 'sakit' man ang dumating, alam kong sa huli, MAS MASAYA pa rin.

 Laban lang :)


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Dear Friend,
DG

Sometimes, things change naturally. As they say, the good news is “People change”, and the bad news is “People change”. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of perspective. If you think there’s something that has changed, well, always believe that it’s for the better. Because everything happens for a reason, for a beautiful reason.
But no matter what, let me assure you that I will just be here. Whether as a friend, as a sister, as a leader or even maybe as a stranger, depending on how you will perceive me, I’ll be here. 


Love,
Your Friend
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Petty Little Thing Called..
DG

Distraction. [Part II]

Here we go again. When will you stop disturbing me? Why do you keep on knocking at my triple-locked door? Do I have to buy a new one to add on it? You’re such a genius to unlock my door.

 There it was, that photo that annoyed me a lot. I mean, A LOT. I ‘shift-deleted’ it. It shouldn’t go to the recycle bin for I don’t have any intention to recycle it. It’s a trash. It destroys my ability to focus. But it came again. But this time, it came alive. No more photos, no more statue-like annoyance. Now, it’s alive and kicking. And yeah, it kicks too hard I can almost get knocked-out. But of course I won’t let that happen. NEVER. Over my dead body. Haha!

When it punched me once, I punched it twice. When it kicked me twice, I kicked it thrice. But I guess it’s not just a one-round game. But I hope we won’t reach 12 rounds, that will be really tiring. But if it will take 13 rounds to knock it down, it will be fine with me. I’m always ready to fight.

You’re such a petty dirty little thing. But you hit me in the core, so I better kill you. If not, then I’ll make sure you’ll stay in the hospital for a lifetime. So if you’ll continue kicking my door and unlock it, you better prepare yourself for a bloody fight. Come on dirty buddy, round one has warmed me up. Let’s get ready to rumble!

And oh, prepare yourself to lose :) 

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My Beloved
DG

When I’m happy and I experience success, you are always there and you rejoice with me. When I’m sad and feeling down, you are there and you always try to comfort me.

Every morning when I wake up, you remind me how wonderful each day can be and that God will surely bless me. Every night before I sleep, still, you tell that no matter what happened, that day has a beautiful purpose.

You laugh with me, cry with me and you never left me. Yes, you are not always beside me, but you never let me feel that way. You encourage and support me all the way.

I commit mistakes and I even hurt you, but then, you’re still there. Still, you choose to stay.

Everyday, I thank God for the gift of love I found in you. You are beyond the perfection I’ve been looking for. Yes, you’re not perfect, but you’re the most beautiful and most wonderful ‘imperfect’ gift God has given me.

When I face success, you look me in the eye, hold my hand and I can see the genuine joy you feel for me. And when tears fall, I know how much you want to hug me and make me feel it’s alright.. but then you don’t.. you simply hold my hands so tight and whisper a prayer to God.

You are so GENUINE.. so PURE.. so GENTLE.. so FAITHFUL.. so TRUE.. so worthy to be adored and loved.

Whenever I feel lost, you guide me and lead my way back to God. Whenever I want to give up, you gently push me to fight once more..

Your deep love and commitment to our dear God always encourage me and at the same time, rebuke me..
I fail Him many times and I know I will never be worthy of anything from Him. But everytime I see you, I remember how compassionate, loving and forgiving He is.. that inspite of my mistakes, sins and failures, He still gave me a wonderful gift of YOU.

Everytime I see you fall on your knees and worship Him..
Everytime I hear your prayers and cries..
Everytime I feel your great love for Him and His people..

I AM AMAZED.

And once more, I am thankful.

You are not just my supporter, you are my BELIEVER.
You are not just my lover, you are my LEADER.
And you simply bring out the BEST IN ME.

You are one great GIFT. You are one great LOVE. You are my BELOVED.



The only question that runs in my head is..

WHEN WILL YOU COME MY WAY?


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Dear God,
DG

You mad at me? I’m a complete mess. I’m sorry. I vividly remember that day Lord, and I guess it will forever be marked. It’s funny I know, but You see Lord, I became so weak. And I am so sorry for disappointing You. Your child really gives You some headache I know. How I wish I can just buy You some medicine to take away the pain I give You. But then, at the end of the day, it’s still You who give me a big hug just to put away all the pain in my heart. And I can never say ‘Thank You’ enough.
I love You.

Love,
Your child
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