A detachable heart.
WISH – transitive verb – “to have a desire for (as something unattainable)” –Meriam-Webster
Dictionary
Yeah right. So my wish is really
a ‘wish’. And don’t you worry, I’ve fully accepted that fact.
In my twenty-five years of living
in this crazy world, I can say that I’ve gone thru many crazy roads that made
my life like a crazy roller-coaster. And as I get on this day, my twenty-fifth
twenty-first of December, I found out that I have this one wish – to have a hook-on pumping doodad inside my
chest.
I know right. It’s cool. Haha!
As I’ve reached this age, I’ve
gone through many pains, failures and disappointments. And if you will just
flip through the pages of this blog space, you’ll see those bloody articles..
you will see the proof of this agony. So is it weird to wish for a hook-on heart? Yeah, maybe. But I guess
it’s not only I who wished for this. Who wants pain? Who looks forward for
heartaches? Isn’t it normal to wish that when you get hurt, you can just pull
off your heart so that brain won’t get affected and might function so well? Isn’t it normal to wish that when you start to fall in love with the one who won’t love
you back, you can just grab away your heart so that you won’t fall harder?
ISN’T IT?
So, can you blame me for wishing
for a detachable heart? I guess you
won’t, for if this thingy is just available, I am sure you will give up anything
just to acquire it. But that’s exactly the problem. A detachable heart is highly demanded, but not yet will never
be supplied. Indeed, in every rule there’s an exception. And this detachable heart has broken the
principle of the “law of supply and demand”.
The past year had been so tough
and these past few days have been tougher. I don’t know exactly how I feel but
the agony inside simply pushed me to the limit. I wanted to stop, but somehow I
couldn’t. I wanted to break free, but somehow I shouldn’t. And the more I see
where am I right now, the more I feel the pain, and the more I want to detach
this pumping thingy.
BUT, detaching this cool gizmo
inside my chest is like pulling off the batteries of a remote control. It
becomes USELESS. It becomes POWERLESS. It becomes LIFELESS.
And so I guess it’s better to
have it this way – in pain but alive, agonizing but kicking, bleeding but
fighting.
This pumping doodad inside my
chest is really scary. But no matter how I wish to detach you, I know I will
never do. I may hate you when you’re hurting, but I will always be thankful
when you’re smiling. I am thankful that you still keep on beating. I am
grateful that no matter how rocky the road is, you keep on pumping and keep me
on fighting.
And above all, I thank the ‘Steve
Jobs’ of this gadget inside my chest. He is far from being a geek who simply
wants to be famous. He is simply amazing for putting up this thingy in me, in
us. Without this, I will just be a zombie, existing but not living.
So as I celebrate this day, I
celebrate not only the JOYs but also the PAINs.
I thank You my dear LORD for the
wonderful twenty five years. I may not know when will You pull off my
‘battery’. And today, I’m thankful that I’m still here and MY WISH IS NOT GRANTED.
Thank YOU. I love YOU.
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